(( I’m throwing this one under the cut so that I can give a language warning. Don’t read if you’re offended by swear words! ))
The window had been left open for him, and he climbed into the room. The first thing he noticed was the bed was empty. He had asked Harrier to hold him when he got back. He hated feeling weak, but something about Harrier’s arm around him made him feel better. Even if Harrier had no idea, it was as if maybe he wasn’t in this alone.
However, Harrier wasn’t here, and it was now very apparent he was in this alone. Harrier had told him he might not be in the same room tonight, and of course he hadn’t stayed for him. Alinash had hoped he had been just kidding, and that maybe he understood how upset he was about losing his pendant. However, his request to be held when he got back hadn’t been important as sleeping with the boss.
Alinash frowned as he glanced around the room. He eyed the necklace left on his table by the bed, and decided to leave it for now. He didn’t want to be here. Not alone. Not now. Not while Harrier slept next to someone else in the next room.
You’re just a piece of ass to them.
Alinash climbed back out the window, closing it behind him before he scampered up to the roof. Most of the buildings in Stormwind were connected, and he could easily travel around the city that way. Again, he stayed out of sight of the patrols, and made his way back to the hiding spot he had found earlier where two buildings of unequal height met. All the while, he was assaulted by memories.
No one will ever love you. You’re just a dirty little shit from Murder Row. No one loves us. They just come here to fuck and leave.
He crawled back into his spot and brought his knees up to his chest. He was alone now, and was able to let the tears flow.
Why is he crying? Hasn’t he done this before?
He wiped his eyes on his sleeve even as more tears came. It wasn’t supposed to be complicated, but here he was on a roof in the middle of the night, bawling his eyes out.
You’ll never be nothing but a fucking nasty little whore.
He stopped sobbing for a second, struggling to gain some sense of clarity. Maybe it wasn’t complicated after all. He really was nothing but a fucking nasty little whore. Harrier had someone he’d rather be with. Alinash was his second choice, a ready and willing piece of ass in his bed when he was rejected by his first choice. He was practically living for free, even getting paid. He was still a whore. The necklace was not a gift. It never was meant to be. It was meant to be a replacement.
“You can’t replace my mother,” Alinash whispered to himself. He could almost hear her song in his head. He could almost make out the words, but just as he thought he could almost hear it, it was replaced by screaming. Then the man he couldn’t remember as well started yelling. The woman screamed again, and then all was silent.
The silence didn’t last in Alinash’s head. He didn’t want things to be complicated, but still he found himself wanting more with Harrier. Maybe he didn’t deserve more. He was foolish to think he did, but he had thought Harrier at least cared. He hadn’t thought he was so wrong.
Oh, that one you liked? He’s not coming back. He’s going somewhere else now. You weren’t good enough for him.
His tears began to flow once more.
He cries like a fucking baby. He needs to grow some balls, and toughen up.
He tried to hold back his sobs and failed.
You’ll never be anything to anyone. You’re worthless.
Syrina had been right. He was unloved, and undeserving of it. He cried quietly, replaying her lines in his head until he drifted off in a fitful sleep, only to wake a couple of hours later. Daylight was coming and he was still on the rooftop. He climbed down, but didn’t feel ready to go home just yet. To him, it felt a lot less like home than it did yesterday. He made sure his hat was pulled down enough to conceal his eyes before stepping out into the street to make his way to an inn. Maybe he’d go back later in the day after he got some real sleep.