Aeramin’s Notes

  • I guess I have a few things to write about. The first thing is the mess with my father. He’s being a big ass lately. It’s kind of typical for him, but he hasn’t been this bad since he stopped drinking. It makes me wonder if he’s started again. I haven’t heard that he has, but maybe he’s hiding it.
  • The first thing was when he told Imralion to leave me, while I was still being watched at the clinic in town. Then he thought I was going to want to see him after that? Like hell. I’m still mad that he’d tell Imralion something like that.
  • While I was at the clinic, I decided that I needed to let go of this whole idea of being a father to Lyorri. I mean, I don’t even have a good example to go by. He should be able to see that, but then he got his panties all up in a bunch and said that if I sign papers so that Kes and Ordinicus can adopt her, he’s going to intervene. He thinks he can raise her at the ranger building. I guess he could probably try to fight it. I know I’d have to point out that he wasn’t a good father to me, and go into all the details.
  • I honestly wouldn’t know where to start with all the details. There’s so many.
  • Anyway, in an attempt to keep some kind of peace, I’ve asked Julan to do my dirty work. I can’t talk to him right now because I’m still very angry, but Julan can. Of course, Julan says he doesn’t like him, but still, they’re sharing the same living space, so he must talk to him some. I also reminded him that my father might like talking to him more if he didn’t hit on him.
  • Of course I’m paying him. When Julan isn’t whoring out his body, he’s whoring out his diplomacy, I guess. I don’t care as long as he gets results. He has made some progress. I go to see him when he’s back from patrol, but my father is still out. I don’t have to have any unpleasant conversations that way. Well not too unpleasant anyway. I mean, sometimes Julan makes me uncomfortable, but I know it’s just the way he is. Other times, I know Orledin is peeking outside at us. That’s just weird.
  • Anyway, yes, he has made progress. He said he’s convinced my father to get a contract drawn up at the Spire to detail his visiting rights, then if Kes and Ordinicus agree to it, they can sign it. Then I can sign the papers and they’ll be free to adopt her. I hope he goes soon.
  • I’ve also been talking to Julan about other things. I almost told Kes the other night, but I didn’t. I always make sure to visit her after Lyorri’s bedtime. I don’t want to see her now, and the reasons for that are what I’ve been discussing with Julan. He understands some of it and can empathize a bit better, but if I talk about Lyorri much, I think I lose him. He does agree with me that I should let Ordinicus and Kes adopt her. He also agrees that I shouldn’t have to see her all the time if seeing her is only going to remind me of how she came to be in the first place. He doesn’t understand when I say I feel conflicted about her. I don’t know how to explain it to him. I don’t think there’s anyone I know who can understand that part.
  • I’m not even going to try telling the Confessor. He has a happy home with kids he wants. I don’t know why I’m being forced to see him every week if he can’t even relate to half of what I want to say. I guess that’s why I haven’t said it.
  • Imralion is off on his trip with Kavia. So I’m kind of home alone, which is weird, and boring. Very boring. I forgot what it’s like to be alone all the time. I don’t like it.
  • So I’ve been going to see Julan more. He thinks it’s a sign. I told him not to get his hopes up.
  • I’ve also been staying later at the school and talking to Hethurin and Terellion. Mostly Hethurin, as I’m usually gone by the time Terellion’s done cleaning up in the kitchen with Tik. Hethurin keeps asking if I’m okay, and reminds me that I need to take my medicine and asks if I’ve gone to see the Confessor. It’s true, I haven’t gone this week, but there’s still a couple of days left.
  • I also took one evening to change the decor in the spare room. I took the dolls and the frilly stuff out, and put in more gender neutral things. Hopefully, Kavia will like it too. I figure sleeping arrangements may be something we need to talk about soon, especially if their trip goes well, so it would be a good idea to have the spare room ready. I don’t know. I guess we’ll alternate or something, but that will make every other night and morning boring for me. I don’t know what to do about that. I wouldn’t be opposed to all of us being in the same room together, but I think after what happened with Cyannah, he would mind. Especially if anything happened between me and Kavia. Again, I’d be fine with it, and in fact, it would probably be easier on all three of us to just be together, but I don’t think he’s interested in all of us sharing a bed so we’ll do it his way.
  • I do wonder if we might need to have a third bedroom anyway. It’ll be like Kavia and I are sharing a room but only one of us would be in it at a time while the other is with Im. It might be better if we just each had our own rooms, then I could keep my stuff in mine and she could keep her stuff in hers, and I wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally opening her underwear drawer, or her accidentally opening mine.
  • I have a surprise planned for when he gets back. I bought a bunch of new candles for the bathroom, some new soaps, and some new interesting pillows for the bed. I also picked out some red satin lingerie to wear, and a very light, transparent robe to wear over it. I got some expensive wine from Silvermoon, and the day he comes back, I plan to buy some flowers to decorate the bathroom and bedroom. I still have my ward up around the house, so I’ll know when he’s approaching the door. I’ll definitely be ready for him.
  • I hope he’s not too tired from his week.
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