Early Morning

(( Another one with a trigger warning. My guys from Murder Row are a messed up bunch. Anyway, triggers: depression, suicide. ))

He hadn’t slept, at least, not very well. Now that a pale light had begun to wash over the one basement window, he felt time was running out on his chance to fall asleep. Then again, what point was there to being awake for the weekend. His mind kept replaying the previous evening, even in his sleep, though in most of his dreams, he wound up alone.

But then, wasn’t that how he was now? Imralion had stayed, but had refused to ask him upstairs. It was as Imralion had stated. He was staying to wait around and point out how unhappy Aeramin was in the future. Tears rolled down his face again as he recalled things that had been said the previous night. Things had gotten so bad between them. Aeramin had been willing to work things out, but Imralion had seemed to already have his mind made up. Now Aeramin wondered if he shouldn’t have just let him go. Imralion was already willing to leave him, and only stayed because Aeramin practically begged him not to go. A familiar pain of losing someone he loved welled up inside him as he sobbed while curled up on his pillows and blankets on the basement floor. He hated this feeling. His heart was broken even if the man he loved was still upstairs. Just the fact that he had been so set on leaving was enough. Things weren’t going to get better now. Aeramin had been here enough to know that by now. He should have just let him go.

And now what was going to happen? Was he to spend months in the basement hoping Imralion would change his mind, only to be told he’s still unhappy at the end of it all? Of course he was unhappy. He’d been unhappy since he received an unwanted life-sentence to being a father all because he hadn’t been quick or smart enough to say no one day in one of the study rooms at the library. He hated the fact that Lyorri existed, but loved her. He hated being so conflicted about her. He thought if Imralion liked her a little, then maybe he would feel less conflicted, but that had wound up being the worst idea he’d ever had. It had been foolish to think that Im would be able to look past where she came from if he got to know her. He wanted nothing to do with her, and worse, he wanted Aeramin to do nothing with her while he was there. The little girl had wound up crying more than once because Aeramin had refused to play with her with Imralion there. That was always followed by Kestrae picking her up and whisking her away from both of them, but not without throwing Aeramin an accusing glance.

Despite what everyone said about Lyorri needing him, he couldn’t see it. She had an ann’da and minn’da. They both loved her without feeling guilty every time they looked at her. She’d be much better off without him messing things up.

The thought of that weighed upon him just as much as the thought that Imralion didn’t want him anymore. He wiped his eyes. He just wanted the pain to end. Distraught and sleep-deprived, he teleported to the upstairs bathroom.

It was still very early morning, but there was enough light to see. He went through the potions and elixirs in the cabinet. Pain relief, good. He uncapped it and drank it all. Upset stomach, yes. He uncapped it as well, leaving the empty bottle in the bathroom sink when he was done. He continued to go through the other bottles. Headache, another bottle emptied. Sleep aid, light knows he needed that one. He threw his head back to make sure he got every drop out of the bottle. Another pain elixir. He emptied that one as well. He staggered, feeling dizzy, then fell to his hands and knees. He retched as he struggled against collapsing on the floor. He vomited then coughed as his arms became weaker. They gave out as he passed out on the floor.

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