Alinash’s Notes

We’ve finally returned to Stormwind. Harrier seemed worried that I would want to go back to Silvermoon or something because he said it was different going back home. I don’t think it was that different. People in the city are still two-faced liars and all the guards want take me in to make me pay for my crimes or some shit. Nothing’s changed. The only thing that has changed is that I’ve decided not to attempt to write to Syrina anymore. She’s not even my real mother. She’s just a whore who took pity on me at first, then took advantage of me when I was older. I hate her. Harrier thought it was because I didn’t want to get her in trouble. I suppose it’s fine if he thinks that. I’d rather not have to talk about the real reasons. For a long time, I forgave her, and I accepted it as the way things were. I don’t forgive her now.

It was the time I spent at the school in the Ghostlands that made me make that decision. The headmaster there never asked me for anything. I explained, with a lie, that I couldn’t pay the tuition, and he let me stay anyway. I figured there would be some strings attached, but all I needed to do was pass my tests. I was never asked for more than that. I didn’t have to do work, or sleep with him, or anything. Just study, and pass the tests. It was odd, but nice. I felt bad about lying to him in the end. I never really felt bad about lying before either. There’s no need to when everyone else does it, but he had never lied to me. He’d never done anything to hurt me.

I guess I learned a lot at the school, and not all of it was for my studies there. I learned that not everyone is out for themselves. Even that whore, Firewind, was looking out for the others, and I can’t blame him. They are good people, and I’m not, and he knows that. He knows what I used to do.

It was also during the time that we were gone that Harrier and I started sharing a bed. He had a room at the school because he got a job there making clocks, but he always snuck into mine at night. Things weren’t supposed to be complicated. I knew going into this that things had happened between him and the boss, and that things could happen between him and the boss again. And really, it’s not complicated. It’s just sex, but then last night, after getting back, we were talking to Josie, and she mentioned that the boss had missed him. He questioned her on it, and Josie said that the boss said she loved him. At that point, I was thinking to myself that it was done. There would be no way he wanted to see me anymore, but then Josie went to the kitchen to make cookies for us. Then we started talking about sleeping arrangements. At first he said I’d have to sleep on a cot, but then he said I could sleep in his bed. I don’t think he’d offer to let me sleep there if the boss and him are going to be sharing a bed, so I nodded, but now I’m confused. It’s not supposed to be complicated. She loves him, but I think he still wants me, which is odd. No one’s ever really wanted me before, not like that. So it might be more complicated than I thought it would be, but it feels kind of nice to be wanted. We did share his bed last night, and today he’s going out to find some clothes for me. I hope he can find things that fit right. In human sizes, I’m about average height, but I’m still kind of scrawny, even after eating amazing food at the school for the past months. I think I did gain a little, but it doesn’t show much. Humans tend to be a bit thicker than elves. I suppose I can make adjustments on anything that doesn’t fit quite right.

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Filed under Alinash, Journal, Uncategorized, World of Warcraft

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