The house is done, and the last pieces of furniture just arrived today. I’ve already taken most of my things there. There wasn’t a lot. I’m hoping Maerista is ready to move in as well! I’m willing to bet she has most of her things packed already. It’s been so long since I’ve been so happy. It still feels surreal, like it’s not really happening, but it is.
There is some furniture we don’t have yet, but all we need for now is there. I didn’t want to get things for the baby’s room yet because Ty and Orledin have been helping fairly often. They don’t know so I thought that might be something that would be better to get after Mae and I have moved into the place, and Ty and Orledin aren’t over everyday helping with things. Though it would have been a clever way to let them know that fatherhood is in my future, Maerista and I haven’t told anyone yet.
There’s supposed to be a party at the school soon with masks. I don’t have a mask yet, but I’ve been a little busy with the house. Maybe after we get Mae’s stuff there, we’ll have time to think about masks.
I thought she liked me, but now that she’s said it, I’m not so sure. I don’t know, what if she’s only interested because I’m the only available guy? I’m trying but I’m a little mad right now. She’s been driving me crazy for months, then when we talk about it, she acts like I should have been able to read her mind or something. Really!
Early on in our conversation about it, she mentioned something that the others said that I talked about her or something, which I do, but I didn’t tell them to tell her that. So I told her that it didn’t matter if she wasn’t interested. She said “Oh.” That’s it. Just “Oh.” She didn’t try to correct me then and say she was interested. She let me believe for half of the night that she wasn’t! Then she said she was. So which is it? Could she be more confusing?
Then she thinks it’s just a bet I made with the other guys. I agreed to go shopping with her and still took her to lunch, but now there’s that in the back of my mind the whole time. She thinks I’m just there for a bet. I pour my heart out to her one evening and it’s just a bet.
Sunashe says all rangers keep logs, and I have to write in one too because I’m a ranger now. I don’t have much to write. I’ve been practicing a lot. I haven’t gone on patrol yet. I still get periods of dizziness and headaches, but they are lessening. Occasionally, I feel ill, but that hasn’t been as bad lately either. One thing that hasn’t changed much is that I’m tired a lot. Sunashe says I’m like a cat because I want to sleep sixteen hours a day. I think it’s more like twelve. He likes to exaggerate sometimes. I’ve been doing well at the targets though, and I haven’t had a drink since arriving here, which I’m really proud of. I’m getting along with everyone pretty well, too. So overall, I think things are going well.
There’s going to be a party at the school where my son teaches soon, and the rangers have been invited by the headmaster. Luckily, it’s a mask party, so everyone is expected to wear a disguise, which is good because my son will probably be there and I know he isn’t ready to see me yet. So, I’m hoping he doesn’t recognize me. I don’t think he will. He spoke with the Captain a few weeks ago, and asked him to tell me to get the rest of my stuff out of the house in town. I had already taken most of it, but I went to make sure I had gotten everything.
I wish I could apologize and make everything better. I know I’ve not been the father I should have been to him, but as Sunashe says, I can’t dwell in the past. I’ve been doing so for far too long. I can’t change what happened, but I can focus on making the future better.