Patrols have been going well. It’s been quiet, and that’s been good. Sorrowmoss says that I talk too much sometimes, and not enough others. Lately, I guess I have been on the quiet side. I’ve avoided discussion about our newest member, and I’ve been avoiding being seen by him. His arrival here has had quite an effect on my behavior and I guess the others have taken notice. For the first week, I avoided going to the men’s quarters at all, though Pancat still went to sleep on my bed. I don’t mind. I don’t use it. I do change the blanket now, usually every three days, because of the cat hair.
I didn’t change it while Arancon was sick in bed. I don’t want him to see me. I’m afraid of what he’ll tell the others. I guess he already said something to Tylenthis and he has figured it out. He came to the kitchen last night to talk to me before my patrol. I didn’t lie, though I am upset that there’s another thing to set me apart from the others.
I suppose it doesn’t even really matter, since no one will love me anyway. I told Tylenthis that, and he didn’t seem to understand really, or maybe he did and he was just saying things that he thought he should say to make me feel better. I’m leaning towards the first option though, he doesn’t understand. Sure, there’s someone out there for me. I doubt that very much. I don’t want someone who’s undead like me. That’s the biggest reason there’s no one for me. I want to be with a living person. I want to pleasure him in every way I can. I want his body to work even if mine doesn’t!
Anyway, I’ve spent some time walking around in the woods just thinking. I don’t go very far as I’m not on patrol, and not really dressed for finding trouble by mistake, so I stay pretty close to the ranger building. I did find an old troll site nearby. There aren’t any trolls there now, but they left behind a pit full of bones. Most were from animals from the area, but I did recognize some elven bones. Luckily, it’s close enough to the ranger building that I don’t think we need to worry about any necromancers visiting the site. I wandered around it a bit and found a skeleton of a raptor half buried in the ground. It had an old rope still tied to a collar on its neck. The other end of the rope was tied to a stake. I think it must have been left behind when the trolls left the area.
I’ve been slowly digging up the raptor’s bones. I guess it’s sort of a project. I didn’t mean for it to be, but it’s happened that way. I have one of the feet dug out and put together, as well as one of the arms. The Captain probably won’t want a raptor skeleton set up on the lawn of the ranger building, so I’ve just been leaving the pieces at the site.