Aeramin’s Notes

  • I went to the ranger building yesterday evening. I had told Im that I was going. Sath’alor confirmed that my father was there. I did want to see him, and ask him if he was really going to stay with the rangers. I decided not to though. I don’t think I can see him right now, not without yelling at him.
  • I’m angry. He’s spent the last 110 years drunk off his ass. What’s changed now that he wants to sober up? Why didn’t he think of that before we lost the house in Silvermoon and had to move to Murder Row?
  • Sunashe, the ranger with the rocks, asked me if I remember a time when he wasn’t drunk, and said he wants to be that person again. I told him I didn’t remember, but I kind of do. I mean, I remember bits and pieces of Eversong. I remember he did work every day and I was happy when he came home. I thought he could fix anything. One day he was working late because there was a storm coming and a tree branch broke one of our windows. I remember my mother crying, and I told her not to worry, ann’da will fix it.
  • Then he broke everything.
  • Anyway, I don’t remember a lot. I was young, only eight, when we moved to Silvermoon and the first place wasn’t bad, but I remember he was home a lot more, and then he started drinking. It was after that, he started hitting Maena and me. I still remember the first time he hit me. I thought I did something wrong, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was ten. I remember because it was my birthday, and I was excited about reaching double digits. I wanted to have a party, and I asked him if he had presents for me. He hit me, and told me I wasn’t going to have any stupid party.
  • Anyway, things got worse. We lost the first place we lived in Silvermoon and had to move to Murder Row when I was in my mid-teens. If he had stopped before then, things would be so different. I think that’s the most upsetting part. It’s not that he was violent and abusive. It’s the things I had to do to survive, to help Maena and him survive.
  • I’m not proud of my past. He’s sobering up now instead of when it mattered.
  • I spoke with the Confessor a bit before going home. I was upset after going to the ranger building, and figured Im would want the short version instead of the version where I’m crying and yelling about Arancon. I realized while I was there that I must care on some level or I wouldn’t be so upset.
  • The Confessor said something about it mattering now. I don’t know if it can. It’s too late for some things. He stopped being my father on my tenth birthday. He’s been nothing but a burden for over 100 years.
  • Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’ll matter now because he won’t be a burden anymore. I still expect I’ll hear from Sath soon enough that he trashed the ranger building, and needs to leave. Oh, and I’ll have to pay to fix it. Of course. I think it’s too early to say he won’t be a ranger.
  • Other than that, things are going okay. Im has a girl interested in him. She sent him a painting of herself. Naked! He didn’t appreciate that part, I guess, but he has invited her for supper so I can meet her. I’m okay with it, really. I am a little worried. What if he decides he likes her more? I don’t want to be with her myself, but I think it’s important that we’re friends. I guess we’ll work things out as they happen, but I have a feeling our spare bedroom is going to come in handy.
  • I’m going to hate having to sleep alone some nights, but I’ll do it. I love him, and he’s worth it.
  • Anyway, he’s invited her for supper. We’re just moving into the house, but everything is pretty much there. We just don’t have a lot of food yet. The last window we were waiting on has arrived and we got that installed, so there’s no cool breeze in the sitting room any more. We still need to finish painting the new bathroom, but it’s looking good. I’m going to go to Silvermoon for food supplies soon. I’m going to make some of the spinach rolls as an appetizer, followed by stew and fresh bread. For dessert, we’re having mana-berry pie. The spinach rolls can be prepared ahead of time, and the stew won’t need a lot of watching so I’ll be able to spend more time meeting her.
  • At the school, everything seems to be going well. I had the students write papers on fire theory. I don’t think I’ll do that again because it’s a pain grading them all. I keep reminding myself that I’m not supposed to be grading their grammar and spelling. I’m sure there are mistakes that are slipping by me anyway. I’m trying to focus just on the content of the papers.
  • It would be easier if I didn’t have distractions. It seems every time I have a bit of time to work on them, someone comes to talk to me. One day, it was Sunashe with his rocks for his lizard pet or whatever. That was when he told me where my father was too, so that kind of ruined the rest of the day for concentrating. Then the next day, Hethurin comes in and starts ranting about words. He doesn’t think the word ‘cast’ should relate to anything unpleasant, like the cast on his leg. He’s okay with it being used for casting a spell, or a fishing line or a cast of a play. Which is all he really needed to say, but he decided to go on and on about it for half an hour.
  • He’s in one of his moods. I feel bad for Terellion.
  • He is planning a mask party for the end of the month. One day last week I arrived at the school and there were a bunch of big crates full of pumpkins out front next to the dragon statue. There must have been at least forty or fifty pumpkins there. He said they were for pumpkin cake, and then he made a face, like pumpkin cake is gross or something. I don’t get him sometimes.
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