Sanimir’s Notes

  • I’ve had my first meeting with Confessor Morthorn from Tranquillien.  I think he can help more than Lani could.  He wants me to write things down, which I kind of do anyway.  I feel like maybe it’ll be easier to talk to him about some things that I couldn’t talk about with my sister.  Even if she wasn’t here as my sister, as she put it, she couldn’t change who she is.

  • She’s part of my past too, and I think that’s another reason I don’t want to see her anymore.  It’s better if I just leave the past in the past.  I can’t dwell on it, not if I want to be happy.  It’s hard to make it go away though.

  • Especially at night.  Sometimes I have nightmares where I’m back on the farm in the barn and the one hawkstrider trainer comes in, or Vallindra is there silencing me again, or I’m locked in a dark basement, or I walk in the place in Shattrath and see Aeramin kissing that guy.  Sometimes they’re stranger, like the one where there was this invisible barricade that I was behind everywhere I went and no one could hear me or see me even when I tried to get them to notice.  Then there was another where I was flying, but then I started falling.  I tried to cast a spell to fall slower, but it didn’t work and then I woke up in the panic.

  • A lot of them end like that.  I wake up in panic.  I don’t like it.

  • Anyway, I’m trying to forget all of that.  What has helped the most is focusing more on the present and the future.  I’m starting to really feel like this is home now.  Some of the repairs have been done, and Berwick is working on the painting.  It just seems more welcoming now.

  • I’m worried about when he gets to my room.  I’ll have to sleep in one of the others while mine is being painted.  I like my room, but I know it’ll be really nice when it’s done.

  • It really does feel like home now.  I mean there are more things to do, more painting to be done, more furniture to buy, more repairs to complete, but it’s home.  I think I can be happy here eventually.

  • I keep thinking about all of the extra rooms and how much I love teaching.  Then I think about how nice it would be to run a school for magical studies.  I’d like to do that, eventually.  I think I will someday.

  • Not yet.  I want a good reputation as a good teacher first.

  • I can’t even tell anyone about this idea.  I’m not sure I could take any criticism on it yet.  I am setting it as a long-term goal though.  It’s what I really want to do, and I think having something to slowly work towards will be good.

  • I need more books first.  I guess I have to go to Shattrath for that.  I don’t like going to Silvermoon.  The last thing I want to do is to bump into my mother while shopping!  Shattrath will be slightly better even if I have to worry about other people there.

  • I’ve been thinking about taking Desdeyliri on some field trips, other than Shattrath.  I think she could benefit from educational trips to places, but I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.  She is a pretty girl.  I mean, I’ve noticed that.

  • And that brings me to one of the things I’m confused about.  I thought because I liked Aeramin so much that I liked guys, but if I notice girls too… and I guess I noticed them before.  I don’t know.  But then I don’t really want to.  I mean, maybe.

  • I mean, I’m really just okay sitting in bed and reading a good book.  I don’t need anyone to help me do that.

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Filed under Journal, Sanimir, World of Warcraft

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