Sanimir’s Notes

  • I don’t think I’m doing as well as I’m telling everyone I’m doing, but no one has seemed to catch on to that yet.  Maybe I’m doing better than I think I am.
  • I saw my father on Sunday after seeing Lanthiriel.  She was surprised that I wanted to see him.  I did tell her why I wanted to see him.  I wanted to tell him what happened.  I wanted to ask him why he didn’t care.  Lanthiriel thought that he did care, but I told her about the time that he came and they forced me into a cold bath so that I couldn’t write, and then the other time that was kind of too late.  I remember writing that I hated him.  He didn’t ask why, he just told me that I was wrong.  He maybe even lied to me about Aeramin, but I’m not sure.  That’s not the point either.
  • Lanthiriel spent most of her visit discussing all of that with me.  I still haven’t told her somethings.  At the end, I asked Tik to show him to my study after showing Lanthiriel back to the sitting room where our father was waiting.  I didn’t want to leave them much opportunity to talk to each other after I saw her and before I saw him.
  • I was already in my study when Tik showed him in.  I have my experiments with the stomach fluids and the crystals and everything there.  I was checking some of them when he came in.  He sat on the sofa.  He said it’s been a few months, and just sat there watching me.
  • I asked him why he didn’t help me.  He said he didn’t realize that I needed help.  I mentioned that he didn’t seem to care to find out either.  He said he was sorry.
  • How can he be sorry if he doesn’t even know what happened?  I got angry.  I’ve never spoken sternly to my father before like that.  I saw his eyebrow go up while I scolded him for his actions, or inaction as it was.  That didn’t stop me.  I continued to berate him for his lack of action.
  • He knew they were hurting me, but not how much.  He thought it was only enough force to keep me there.  He knew I wanted to leave.  He thought he was doing the right thing, and therefore any word I said against it wasn’t heard.  He didn’t realize that it had gone past keeping me safe and had put me in more danger than I had ever been in with Aeramin.  I understand all of his points, but just because I understand, that doesn’t make him right.
  • I told him all of that and he said he realizes now that he was wrong.  I told him he could have prevented so much if he had realized that earlier.  I told him about everything that happened at the farm.  Everything.  I had to stay angry so that I wouldn’t cry.
  • I told him about the beatings, the strap on my wrist so that I couldn’t run, the names they called me… I told them how, when I tried to run and they would catch me, they would continue to hit me and push me after restraining me.  They would put me back in the cold, dark basement without any light and just a thin sheet to try to keep warm.  They pushed me down the stairs more than once.  They just pushed me and locked the door.  Then they started keeping me on the leash on my wrist.  Both ends had a lock attached so I couldn’t get away.  They locked me in the barn and beat me if I didn’t work.
  • That was when I did start crying, because I told him about the hawkstrider trainer they left me with a few times.  That shocked him, I think.  He wanted me to report it, but there’s nothing that can be done about it now.  Maybe if they had caught him doing it, then it wouldn’t just be my word against his.  I couldn’t even call out for help when it happened because I was silenced.
  • So he said he was sorry and admitted he was wrong.  I was shaking because I was so nervous.  I think he was going to get up to hug me, but I told him not to touch me so he sat back down.
  • I told him I wanted to be alone then.  He nodded, said he hoped that I’d want to see him again, and left.  He and Lanthiriel went back to Silvermoon.  I went to my room and cried some more.  I think maybe I wasn’t entirely ready to see him, but I think it went okay.  I mean, I said what I wanted to, and he finally admitted that he was wrong.
  • I think I should go back to Shattrath with Desdeyliri soon.  She needs some new robes.  I think the sooner we do that, the better.  Maybe Isandri can help her choose some.  We need to visit the library again too.
  • I guess I shouldn’t even try to see Aeramin.  I’ll write and see when is good to send her to see him.  I do think he can help her learn fire magic.
  • I need to take some of the solutions out to the dragon too.  I have to find out if the one that’s supposed to coat the throat worked.  I made more just in case.  Maybe he’ll be able to talk if it works.  I think we can try the dreamfoil mix too.  It does seem to have some effect, though not a lot.  It might work better with the dragon.  I just worry that the dreamfoil will affect him.  I think it’s best to start with a low dose and see how he handles it.  I’ve learned quite a bit from all the research I’ve had to do.
  • I’m still working on some things to try.  The basilisks for instance.  I need to go to observe them again sometime soon.
  • I visited Berwick last night in Silvermoon.  Xyliah was helping her father in the shop so it was just him and me.  Xyliah’s father let me in.  I wasn’t sure if he would, but he did.  He did kind of give me a look when I said I was there to see Berwick.
  • It was good seeing someone who understands.  He wants to earn money.  I have money.  I also have a house that needs repairs.  He thinks he can paint walls, so that would be helpful if he could.  I think it would be good for him too.  I should plan my trip to Shattrath before he comes to paint though.

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Filed under Journal, Sanimir, World of Warcraft

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