Okay, I know it’s dangerous to keep a diary in this house, but I can’t very well make patient reports on my Sunday patient without taking the chance that father, or mother, would read them. I realize of course, there is a risk that either of them or one of my sisters could read this. However, I feel it’s safer than making a patient report to keep on file in the office, and I need someplace to write down my thoughts on him. I plan to keep this book well-hidden to minimize the risk of someone else reading it.
I’m not really trained to deal with maladies of the mind. I spend all week with my patients with bone and muscle problems, then there’s him on the weekends. I don’t believe he is truly ill either. Rather, he just needs some help working some things out. I’m certainly not the best person to be tending to him. Unfortunately, I’m the only person who can. He has shut out nearly everyone, and I am one of the few people he allows near him. I have to do my best.
My first couple of visits to him were strained. It was as if he wanted me there to talk to, but then he didn’t really want to talk. I told him that my visits to him were confidential and I wouldn’t tell anyone else what he said, including our parents. That helped a little. The thing that has helped most has just been time. He’s starting to trust me, I believe and he’s been opening up a little bit more. I’ve gently suggested things he could do, like write to his friends, and now visit him. The writing seemed to help him a little. I know he had a visit from Isandri about a month ago. I don’t think father sent her. Isandri was his friend before she was father’s apprentice.
He has opened up a little since then. He’s very displeased with our family. He insists that he’ll never return. He insists upon using his new name too. He said he was beat at the farm, and treated worse than one of the hawkstriders. He won’t elaborate on anything that happened. I’m kind of careful about how much I ask about it. I do try to guide the topic of conversation to it in an attempt to find out more, but I don’t press for information.
I spoke to Priest Haldreith Sunstone at the sanctum for a bit a couple of weeks ago. I tried to keep it as general as possible, but he knows this isn’t my specialty. He kind of knew it wasn’t one of my regular patients, and asked about it. I told him a little about it, that the patient is my brother, and that there’s been problems in the family with him. I begged him not to talk to my father about it, or Esladra. She’s still taking lessons at the sanctum when she’s not doing her apprenticeship. Neither of them are involved with my patient currently, and he trusts me. I just need help from someone who’s used to dealing with things like this. Anyway, he agreed to help and not say anything to anyone.
He thought it would be good to encourage my patient to renew his past relationships with his friends, thereby building a foundation of support for him to renew his past relationships with family. So the following weekend, I gently suggested it to him. I told him I thought it would be good for him to visit Shattrath and talk to his old friends. He could show his apprentice the library as well.
I think it was the library that sold him on it. He perked up a bit when I mentioned it, and he had seemed awfully depressed for most of that visit, so I took it as a good sign. I don’t know much about his apprentice, other than mother has a mole somewhere. It’s either her or the butler, and if I had to pick, it’s the girl. My patient seems to like her well enough. I hope he doesn’t find out who she’s working for. If he did, my visits would likely be cut off as well.
The next week, I learned he had gone to Shattrath to see friends and was only back home to see me. He was extending his visit by another week because Aeramin was out of town. He then admitted they hadn’t been doing so well with writing to each other and that he was worried that Aeramin wouldn’t want to see him anymore. I encouraged him to go back and talk to him. Writing sometimes doesn’t always sound the way we mean it to. I thought it was just a misunderstanding of some sort. Those two have been through a lot to be together.
I was wrong.
This past weekend, I went to visit again. Tik let me in and led me to the sitting room while he went to tell my patient that I was there to see him. He was gone a long time. When he did come back, he led me the opposite direction of the room I usually meet my patient in. He led me up the stairs and down the hall to the room at the end. He told me he doesn’t feel like coming out of his room. I cautiously went in.
It’s a large bedroom. One corner has a fireplace and some chairs and a bookshelf. My patient was sitting in one of the chairs with a closed book on the table in front of him. He stared at the fire. He didn’t even look away from it to greet me, though he did say hello. I asked if he was feeling okay, and he said no. He didn’t elaborate, so I asked if the trip to Shattrath went okay. He shrugged and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs. Then he told me that Aeramin found someone else. He barely said the words when he started crying.
I wasn’t sure what to do so I just did what an older sister should do. I hugged him. I was afraid he would push me away and say it was all my fault. He didn’t. I wasn’t sure what to say either. I wasn’t sure I could or even should say anything. He knows my experience in love relationships is practically nonexistent. I can’t tell him how to get past this. I wound up just being honest and telling him just that, but I added that I could listen even if I couldn’t offer any assistance.
I do hope I can catch Priest Haldreith Sunstone at the sanctum again this week. He may have some suggestions. Maybe one of these nights I can pay a mage to send me to Shattrath for supper. I’d like to talk to his friends as well.
There is a silver lining. He had said before that Hethurin Fairsong doesn’t cry, but he bawled his eyes out during my last visit. Maybe that means Sanimir Lightmist isn’t completely lost.