Hi. I’m sorry I’m not very good at writing like this. I don’t really know what to say without thinking you might get mad. It’s taken me time to figure out things myself. I do still love you, but I’m still angry. I don’t know if it’s something that will go away or not.
I know you had to do things the way you did them. Well, you didn’t have to, but you did. I don’t want to debate that with you
, though I could.
I just want you to understand, I guess. I thought after Isandri’s visit that it wouldn’t be long. I waited and I hoped that you would come to get me. I would still try to run away everyday, I thought maybe you were waiting to help me. Everyday, they would catch me. Sometimes they hit me after they caught me, depending who got to me first. Sometimes they would whip me too because that was supposed to make me stop or something. Then they locked me in the basement. A couple of times, they pushed me down the stairs.
It was worse after my uncle decided to put me on a leash. I had been digging a hole in the basement. I’m sure it was almost done, but I couldn’t work on it anymore. Even at night, I couldn’t work on it because I was always leashed and couldn’t reach where I had been working. I had to listen to them tell me all day that no one was coming for me. No one cared. They said I wasn’t leaving the farm for a long time. Sometimes they left me in the barn with the one trainer who likes guys and wanted to do things that I didn’t want to do. My cousins would push me or drag me with the leash for no reason. Everyone was always yelling at me and calling me names. I never worked hard enough for them.
I lost hope. I thought maybe something happened to Isandri. Maybe something happened to you. Then I started listening to what they were telling me. They said you were talking to other guys. I started to believe you weren’t coming.
That’s why I’m mad. If you had taken the risk and come to get me that first week, some things wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have lost hope. I would have known there was at least some people in this world who I could trust.
I don’t have that now.
– Hethurin Fairsong