Theronil – Theronil’s Log

I’m stupid.

I can’t even begin to explain how stupid.  It started when I went to see Isandri last night.  I made her ear twitch.  All I wanted to do was sit close to her and kiss her and talk about nice things, but I was stupid.  We were talking about our families.  I told her about my sisters, and I thought it would probably be good if I told her I was engaged before.  It was arranged, so really it wasn’t a big thing.  Her family came into the shop often.  They just wanted a discount.  I’m sure of that.  I didn’t even meet her until after the engagement was decided.  I met her parents beforehand, but not her.

Isandri asked what she was like and if I loved her.  I guess if there are different levels of love, maybe I did.  I cared for her, but I don’t know if we would have been together if it weren’t for our parents arranging things.  Probably not.  She was pretty, and I liked her.

Nothing compared to what I feel for Isandri.

And now I’ve probably fucked that up.

She asked if I had ever done that before.  By that, she meant sex.  I’m not a virgin.  I told her I had, and she seemed upset by that.  I know she’s a virgin, but I thought women liked men that knew what they’re doing?  I remember my first time, the girl didn’t like that I wasn’t experienced.  She actually complained about it.  I’d like to think I’ve learned a bit since then.

Anyway, from that point on, it just kept getting worse.  I couldn’t say anything right.  I didn’t dare kiss her.  I didn’t want my face slapped or my ears pulled.  I did kiss her hand before leaving for the night.  She smiled, but with the way things had been going, I wasn’t about to chance it.  I rode my hawkstrider slowly away from her home, but as soon as the house was out of sight, I let the hawkstrider break into a run.

I got back to the room and, finally alone, I cried.  I think I’ve blown it.  Oh and I didn’t stop being stupid.

I was so angry with myself that after I finished crying, I got up, and I kicked the couch in the room… with my bad leg.  It hurt.  A lot.  It still hurts a lot.  I’m not sure if it’s from the hawkstrider running, or kicking the couch, but I could barely get up this morning.  Of course it didn’t help that I was still groggy too.

Groggy, because of my final act of stupidity last night.  After I had kicked the couch, I fell to the ground.  I couldn’t walk at all like that.  Arelanis, the good dragonhawk that she is, brought me my night-time medicine, a potion that helps with the pain but also makes me sleepy.  I didn’t measure it.  I just drank some.  Then I tossed it.  Not hard.  I’m sick of having to take it.  The bottle broke.

I fell asleep on the floor.

I woke this morning sorer than ever.  Luckily, I didn’t break the daytime medicine bottle.  I cleaned up the mess before leaving.  It’s clear so it didn’t stain anything.

Although I was able to take my daytime medicine and put the numbing salve on, I’m still in an incredible amount of pain.  I decided it would be best to go back to Dalaran, so I rode, slowly from Fairbreeze to Silvermoon and found a mage who was able to open a portal to Dalaran.

I stopped by the herbalist first.  She was surprised to see me again so soon.  I told her I had accidentally knocked the vial off of the table and needed a replacement.  She wasn’t expecting me back, so I had to wait while she mixed it.  Luckily, she had a chair for me to sit in while waiting.  It was a hard wooden chair.  It was horrible.

I had a letter waiting for me at home.  Raleth had written.  My brother is looking for me, which doesn’t relieve me at all.  I hope he doesn’t want anything.  I have enough on my plate without having him move back in or beg for money.



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Filed under Journal, Story, Theronil, World of Warcraft

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