I can’t even begin to explain how stupid. It started when I went to see Isandri last night. I made her ear twitch. All I wanted to do was sit close to her and kiss her and talk about nice things, but I was stupid. We were talking about our families. I told her about my sisters, and I thought it would probably be good if I told her I was engaged before. It was arranged, so really it wasn’t a big thing. Her family came into the shop often. They just wanted a discount. I’m sure of that. I didn’t even meet her until after the engagement was decided. I met her parents beforehand, but not her.
Isandri asked what she was like and if I loved her. I guess if there are different levels of love, maybe I did. I cared for her, but I don’t know if we would have been together if it weren’t for our parents arranging things. Probably not. She was pretty, and I liked her.
Nothing compared to what I feel for Isandri.
And now I’ve probably fucked that up.
She asked if I had ever done that before. By that, she meant sex. I’m not a virgin. I told her I had, and she seemed upset by that. I know she’s a virgin, but I thought women liked men that knew what they’re doing? I remember my first time, the girl didn’t like that I wasn’t experienced. She actually complained about it. I’d like to think I’ve learned a bit since then.
Anyway, from that point on, it just kept getting worse. I couldn’t say anything right. I didn’t dare kiss her. I didn’t want my face slapped or my ears pulled. I did kiss her hand before leaving for the night. She smiled, but with the way things had been going, I wasn’t about to chance it. I rode my hawkstrider slowly away from her home, but as soon as the house was out of sight, I let the hawkstrider break into a run.
I got back to the room and, finally alone, I cried. I think I’ve blown it. Oh and I didn’t stop being stupid.
I was so angry with myself that after I finished crying, I got up, and I kicked the couch in the room… with my bad leg. It hurt. A lot. It still hurts a lot. I’m not sure if it’s from the hawkstrider running, or kicking the couch, but I could barely get up this morning. Of course it didn’t help that I was still groggy too.
Groggy, because of my final act of stupidity last night. After I had kicked the couch, I fell to the ground. I couldn’t walk at all like that. Arelanis, the good dragonhawk that she is, brought me my night-time medicine, a potion that helps with the pain but also makes me sleepy. I didn’t measure it. I just drank some. Then I tossed it. Not hard. I’m sick of having to take it. The bottle broke.
I fell asleep on the floor.
I woke this morning sorer than ever. Luckily, I didn’t break the daytime medicine bottle. I cleaned up the mess before leaving. It’s clear so it didn’t stain anything.
Although I was able to take my daytime medicine and put the numbing salve on, I’m still in an incredible amount of pain. I decided it would be best to go back to Dalaran, so I rode, slowly from Fairbreeze to Silvermoon and found a mage who was able to open a portal to Dalaran.
I stopped by the herbalist first. She was surprised to see me again so soon. I told her I had accidentally knocked the vial off of the table and needed a replacement. She wasn’t expecting me back, so I had to wait while she mixed it. Luckily, she had a chair for me to sit in while waiting. It was a hard wooden chair. It was horrible.
I had a letter waiting for me at home. Raleth had written. My brother is looking for me, which doesn’t relieve me at all. I hope he doesn’t want anything. I have enough on my plate without having him move back in or beg for money.